Its been a rough past couple of months for me. I dont want to start off with the "pity me" vibe, thats not what I'm looking for. I want to fill everyone in on whats going on and why I havnt been blogging. I made a promise to myself...this will not be a continual rant of mine, forever complaining about him.
2 months ago my husband came home, from a lengthy visit to IL where his family lives, and said our marriage is not working and where do we stand. I could see where he was coming from because our marriage has been a rough and bumpy road since he came back. (2 years ago he'd had an on ship affair and moved in with her when they came back from deployment, I was pregnant with E) Went thru counseling, trying to communicate but it boils down to his anger stood in the way of helping either of us heal. He is a very angry man and takes it out on everyone. Also, we were just not in love anymore. Neither of us. We basically decided mutually to raise our kids together and get along the best possible. Little did I know it went deeper with him. He'd decided to move on way before talking to me.
I found out by complete accident that he was in communication with an old high school girlfriend. Now, normally there wouldnt be an issue with this. According to his cell phone bill he'd been talking 20-30 times a day for long periods of time. It felt like a Deja Vu moment. Thats how his first affair started out. I did confront him about it and I glad for both of us he didn't deny he had feelings for her but refused to say if it went deeper, for obvious reasons.
At that time (about 2 weeks ago now) he demanded a divorce. But instead of talking about moving forward and what to do next, his discussions kept going to it was my fault and I didnt show enough love and we'd never be here if I treated him with affection. I can only roll my eyes at this, he threw the same lines at me when he abandoned us the first time. He's trying to justify in his mind what he's doing. And instead of moving on he refuses to leave the house, coming home every day from work complaining how miserable he is and he hates it here and how I disgust him. If he's so miserable why doesnt he leave? The anger got bad. It was to the point where I just had to ignore him. Anything I said would make him go off the deep end.
At one point he'd gone after A screaming at her about laundry.. SCREAMING! Of course I stepped in to sheild her from that. He lunged at me with fists raised saying he wanted to beat my head in.
This behavior was so not good for the girls to be witnessing and now I was scared for them and A was terrified of him. I'd had enough of his anger. I called his CO and filled him in and asked him to "direct" his sailor to find somewhere else to stay. I also told hubby if he got out of line again, there would be no "amicable divorce" like he's been begging me for. There would only be police and handcuffs involved on his part.
So now, today, he is finally leaving us in peace. 3 nights after being threatened to have my head beat in, a month after finding he's been "talking" to another woman, 9 years of anger, and 10 years of marriage later. I finally feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I feel for the girls when they go to visit him. He has no fathering skills, doesnt know how to take care of them and cant even remember his own daughter has allergies to dairy and soy! Add some anger in the mix when they start fighting and he cant handle it. I wish there was a way to sheild them from having to put up with his crap.
So thats my story and if you've reached the end with me, thanks for listening.
I am hoping by the end of summer, things will be back to as normal as possible and I can get back to business. Blogging and sewing. Both have suffered.
I wish everyone a happy weekend!
